


Rocket Man

by Cat (ActualBuckyBarnes)



Category: Buzzfeed The Try Guys (Web Series)
Genre: Trans Male Character, Transphobia, also, also the rape/harassment is very lightly implied, but!!! i'm proud of it, i wrote this in like an hour and a half, it's not at all graphic, it's very rushed, ned has a very tortured past, not relationship centric, tell me if u want more! please!, this is a total vent fic let me live, this is... very ned centric, trans!ned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-10
Updated: 2018-02-10
Packaged: 2019-03-16 04:32:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13628655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ActualBuckyBarnes/pseuds/Cat
Summary: (The title has nothing to do with the fic.)Ned has a secret.





	Rocket Man

Ned woke up to his phone’s alarm. He hopped in the shower, the pervasive loneliness of his half-full bed leaving him in the steam-filled three quarters bathroom. His house was decorated like a married man’s, like in another universe he’d have a wife and a dog and a baby on the way.

 

As it stood, he’d completed one of those goals - his dog, Bean, was whining to go outside by now, and Ned tripped over his own feet with a towel wrapped around his waist to let him outside. Even as he looked in the mirror, he appreciated so very greatly the recovering scars under his pectorals, stretching from his nipple to the armpit. Top surgery had been a bitch to recover from, but Ned supposed it was healthier than wearing a binder to work every day.

 

He still had problems with his feminine face. His nose was too small, eyelashes and lips too full. Ned looked down at his hips, hidden by the towel that was still on his waist.

 

His alarm buzzed for the second time that day, the music Ned had put on pausing to let the alarm sing out.

 

_ T day!! _

 

It was then that Ned realized that he’d have to go out later with the other Try Guys. It was a Friday, after all, and Fridays were reserved for going out and getting absolutely hammered. Even if Ned did act like a dad the whole time.

 

He quirked a smile at himself in the mirror. Even if he hated some of his features, he knew he could push through it. Even if he was lonely, even if he was insecure…

  
Ned shook off the negative emotions. He’d have to get his shot done before work, so he could go out with the guys later. Maybe it was foolish to be in the closet to your closest friends - especially when one was queer himself.

 

But there was a thought caught at the back of Ned’s brain, like a fly caught on a flycatcher. The fear of being ostracized, like he had been, caused him to shake as he gathered the supplies - a sharps container, a syringe, two needles, the vial.

 

He calmed down, unwrapped the bigger needle, and cleaned off the vial. Taking some testosterone out of the vial at the right dose, he looked into the mirror and caught sight of his own terrified eyes. The thought of being called  _ Caelyn _ again, the thought of being screamed at - he should’ve known it was a gamble to come out to his Catholic parents - the thought of trying to pray his  _ sickness _ away.

 

Of course, now that he didn’t necessarily  _ have _ to be out, Ned absolutely refused to come out. He looked back down to his hand to see the smaller needle completely submerged in his stomach fat, his hands going through the motions without him really deciding to do so.

 

And Ned entertained the idea of telling the Guys. He really did. He even thought of a perfect, beautifully quippy one-liner;  _ “I chose Ned because it rhymes with ‘red’.” _

 

And then he was done with the shot. The feeling of his skin sliding off the needle - still the most jarring sensation of the whole process - brought him back to reality. He was Ned Fulmer, living his full-time lie. Bean was the only one who knew it.

 

Of course, Bean couldn’t beat him up. Bean couldn’t tell him he was going to Hell. Bean couldn’t find a new, hungry look in his eyes that left Ned feeling hollow inside. God, thinking back on his past made him shiver. He wasn’t even cold.

 

He pulled on his polo shirt and khakis. They hid his form, made him look like a box. He liked it - his clothes felt like a safety blanket.

 

Ned let Bean back in, gave him some food for the day, resolved to order junk food for breakfast, and hopped into his car.

 

He walked into the office not feeling up to conversation. That’s when he saw  _ her _ .

 

An intern. One that had gone to Ned’s highschool. And,  _ God _ , she looked like -

 

Tracy Lineman. With the blonde curls and everything.

 

Ned felt his earlier panic spiral out of control. Tracy had been one of the ones to take pity on Ned. She never did use his chosen name or pronouns, though.

 

It felt like a nightmare. She probably recognized his last name - probably recognized his green eyes. His hands shook.

 

“Tracy?” He asked. She looked up. He pulled her into a spare meeting room.

 

Ned took a deep, shaky breath. “It’s… it’s Caelyn. I still go by Ned, I still use he-him pronouns. I would appreciate it deeply if you didn’t out me to my coworkers. I knew you’d figure it out at some point or another -”

 

“Oh!” Tracy blinked, “Oh, I - of course!”

 

There was something about her that made her seem already guilty of something. Ned decided to let it go, nodding to her and leaving the meeting room.

 

He made it back to his desk, by the other three. They were already at work - McDonald’s had been a bit backed up, so it’d taken longer than normal - and they looked at Ned curiously.

 

“I didn’t know you had a sister,” Zach said flippantly. Ned blanched.

 

“Oh - oh, yeah,” He stumbled over his words, “Caelyn.”

 

Eugene spoke up, seeming almost annoyed. “You never told us about her. What did you think would happen?”

 

“She died,” Ned blurted, “She died four years ago, right before I went to college. I don’t like talking about it.”

 

Now Eugene blinked in surprise. “I’m sorry for pressing, dude.”

 

“It’s okay,” Ned sighed, “I knew I’d have to tell you guys at some point or another.”

 

Ned felt those words bitter in his mouth, rotting through his tongue. He was weaving himself deeper and deeper into this lie.

 

Panic rose in his chest again, choking out his voice, when Tracy came back. She looked far more antagonistic now - Ned hoped she’d gotten less mean. When one is all alone, they’ll take the company they can manage to scrounge for. And Tracy… Tracy was pretty bad.

 

And now, there was that look in her eyes. That power-hungry look that Ned knew meant she knew she had some serious blackmail on him.

 

“Hey, Ned,” She said, “Can you do me a favor and grab me a cup of coffee?”

 

Ned declined. “Sorry, I’m busy right now.”

 

“A favor for the old friend of a sibling?” She mirrored his exact body language and tone. The other Guys watched the exchange with interest. There was a fire behind Tracy’s eyes, and Ned found himself getting up and carrying her mug to the kitchen.

 

Ned realized the best case scenario was that the guys thought he had the hots for Tracy. Ned just knew that Tracy wasn’t the worst evil he could face - but she could still put him in an unbelievable amount of danger. It was so much harder to meet people now that he was out of school. He couldn’t lose the Guys.

 

Ned resolved to come out to them that night. It was the hardest decision he’d ever made - but he couldn’t bear to be Tracy’s blackmailee forever.

 

God, Ned didn’t even want to be a blackmailee at all. Yet, here he was.

 

He gave Tracy her coffee, sitting back at his desk. He pulled up his project and started  to work on it. He did have to suffer near-constant interruptions via Tracy, which was… painful.

 

Ned was ready to rip out his own eyeballs by the end of the day, but then - then, he was going out with the Guys. Unfortunately, either Tracy had decided to stay late, or one of the Guys had invited her along.

 

“You don’t mind if Tracy tags along, do you?” Eugene asked, but not in a way that was asking permission. When Eugene asked something, there was a good chance he was already planning on doing it. Or already doing it.

 

Ned smiled thinly and said, “Of course not!”

 

“Hey, Ned,” Tracy started, “Could you carry my things for me?”

 

Ned was absolutely exhausted. He just simply could not carry anything for Tracy, even if he wanted to. “No.”

 

“But…  _ Ned _ .” There was that old, dangerous undertone to her voice that Ned was far too familiar with was back. None of the other guys seemed to notice.

 

“I said ‘No.’” Ned flatly declined the offer, consequences be damned. He could not physically muster the ability to care. After doing several coffee and copier runs, a lunch run, and giving Tracy lots of completely unnecessary advice, Ned had felt like the intern all day. And now - he was done.

 

“Caelyn,” Tracy said, and Ned realized just what he’d done, “Have you told your friends how you’ve been lying to them?”

 

The other three stopped dead in their tracks, confusion written over their faces. Ned flinched a bit.

 

“ _ Tracy _ -” Ned felt like a mask had been ripped off his face, and he was standing there in a bra and panties, like he had been during that first year of college.

 

“Ned - what’s going on?” Keith glanced between the two of them, feeling the tension fly off Ned’s body like static. Tracy remained cool, a skill Ned had seen too often.

 

“ _ Caelyn _ has been lying to you about herself,” Tracy smirked, Ned looking and feeling like he was about to cry.

 

And then he was. Tears leaked down his face, and he was glad they were in the parking lot so he could turn and walk away as fast as possible, breaking into a run when Eugene tried to follow him.

 

That’s where his temper always landed him - deep in trouble. Ned hated his short fuse as much as he could between spikes of panic and trying to remember how to breathe, taking refuge behind a dumpster and crying out to nobody in particular.

 

His phone vibrated endlessly in his pocket. Ned prayed for God to send a lightning bolt down and kill him right then.

 

To his absolute despair, he heard quick footsteps echo on the brick. Eugene was scarily good at finding things - finding people. He knocked on the side of the dumpster.

 

“Is it okay if I come around the corner, Ned?”

 

Ned let out a strangled noise he hoped sounded like assent, and Eugene crouched down in front of him. Eugene brushed a lock of hair out of Ned’s face, a strangely tender gesture for what Ned was about to tell him.

 

“I’m trans,” He whispered, marvelling at the ease with which the words flew from his mouth. Eugene crossed his legs on the ground, peering into Ned’s soul through his eyes.

 

“Pronouns?”

 

That was the last thing Ned had expected out of Eugene’s mouth - well, he supposed growing up in rural Florida had left him with some low standards, but still.

 

“He - he/him,” Ned breathed, still trying to catch his breath. Eugene nodded, taking Ned’s hand in his.

 

_ Here it comes _ , Ned thought.  _ The ‘we can fix this’, the ‘I’m so sorry you’re like this’ _ .

 

But Eugene said neither of those. “Breathe with me.” He placed Ned’s hand on his chest, taking a deep breath. Ned took deep breaths with Eugene, feeling himself come down from the tallest mountain of panic he’d ever encountered.

 

“I’m sorry -” Ned started, interrupted by Eugene.

 

“Don’t apologize,” He smiled softly, “You’re still Ned. You’re still our best friend, you’re still a man.”

 

Ned absolutely beamed through his tears. Eugene pulled him closer, giving him the most comforting hug he’d ever received. And from  _ Eugene _ .

 

“You’re not mad?”

 

Eugene paused. “Oh, Ned.” His voice was dripping with pity. But not the kind Ned was used to. “How could I be mad? You did something really brave today.”

 

“No I didn’t,” Ned sniffled, “I ran away.”

 

“You stood up to Tracy,” Eugene grinned. “How about tonight, instead of going out, I’ll convince the Guys to join us for pizza at my place, and you can explain everything? I’m here to help you through anything, y’know.”

 

Ned nodded. “Thank you. That sounds nice.”

 

And Ned wished he had the strength left to tell Eugene just how much he meant to him. He’d tell him on the way back.

 

He felt as though a new world had been opened up to him, like shackles had been taken off of his ankles. He felt truly alive for the first time since he was a little kid, running free in the creek with his best friend, pretending to be spies.

**Author's Note:**

> again! please tell me if u want more of this au. i'd be super happy to write it :)
> 
> comments are super appreciated! even little things make my day!!!


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